Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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