that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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