Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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