its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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