no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we're so committed to being not committed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
