is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
