sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When are your genitals available?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
