apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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