quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
