i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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