I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
