four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize