Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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