Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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