just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
