12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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