Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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