She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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