Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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