I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
