I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
