That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
