Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
