i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
