chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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