I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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