I wish I could punch you in the face.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
