We're like a lot better than the average bears
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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