Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
