I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
