I swear she didn't look like that last week.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
