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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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