just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
