I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
my liver is dry heaving
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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