Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
