If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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