So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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