Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
