Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And then he peed in my hair
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