Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
