dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
