Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
