it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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