Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
