Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
whose parrot is this?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
