i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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