Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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