walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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