Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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