god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
