i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize