it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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