His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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