I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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