Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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