You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Alive.
So much puke
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
