Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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