i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
