Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
