I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
