I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
