last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
