Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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