Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
