that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
