hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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