I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
pop tarts are not kleenex
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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