Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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