i don't like sucking hair
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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