I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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