He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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