so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
