no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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