no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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